Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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