Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
