Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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