P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
