yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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