Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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