He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
