I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
