Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
