I'm gonna have a badass scar
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
