I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
