Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
