Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
