I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
