i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
