Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
