I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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