i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
