Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
