she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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