I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
