Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
