Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
