it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
