I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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