Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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