You just made me feel so damn special
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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