Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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