I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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