Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
