If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
how drunk are you?
Several
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
