if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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