No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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