So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
