I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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