You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
