If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
