Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
