Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
