this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
