Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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