i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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