i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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