yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
my liver is dry heaving
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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