He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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