At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
