I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
