I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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