dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
