mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
