there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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