Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
