You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
