Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
