I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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